this was awesome to read, esp as a beginner game dev. I'm also a creative writing graduate so it was a double boost. It feels like authors, writers, any creatives, hate what they do and it's very demoralizing. I love creating, but the idea of always having an "industry perfect" project albeit writing, drawing, game dev or something else... It kills that love we hold. I've been working on my next game for about 8 months with little progress because of these "industry standards" in my head from what I see. I've been burnt out and get nervous working on it.
I tinkered around with game making as a teen, but published my first one last year. And honestly? every time i go look at it I still feel that joy that went into it, even if it was a 2 week jam project. I miss that joy. I want to make more games.
YES. THANK YOU. the adherence to aaa standards has got to fucking go.
truly, i feel seen here. i cannot tell you how many times my art/work has been reduced to “not a real game/real art” because it doesn’t follow the industry model. i’m so tired of it.
This was great, as painful as it was to read and see myself in there.
I wouldn’t say that I was complaining as much to others, but it definitely took me a good long while to get to a point where I’m actually enjoying the process. I wanted to make games despite not enjoying the process, just to make the idea real. What a terrible way to live.
And now, I have a thing I’m working on, and am stuck creatively and otherwise, but that’s fine. I’m gonna get back to it when I feel better. Forcing it doesn’t help and I’m not enjoying working on it right now, so I’m not! I never want to end up in that terrible place again.
Another thing that came into sharp focus while I read this was how I struggle to call myself a game developer. I struggle to really call myself anything, frankly. I’ve been noodling around (see I’m doing it again!) in game engines for over ten years. I worked as a QA tester for years, slowly burnt out, quit and am now trying to make my own stuff. I have a bunch of projects, some WIP, some finished, but I haven’t released any of my own games commercially yet. I did ship games at work; I worked on a bunch of commercial games, big and small! But…there’s that thing. Am I really a game developer if I haven’t released MY OWN video game on store dot steampowered dot com?
This is, of course, a stupid way to think. It doesn’t matter, and being able to call myself a game developer is not the goal. It’s not something I consciously think about often, but still, it’s a bit nuts that I have this block, so what you wrote about exceptionalism and how we think of our projects and ourselves really hit home for me.
the tension and debate over who counts as a "game dev" is about as useful over the debate of what counts as a "real" game. if you have made a thing for games, you are a gamemaker. own it
Yep 100%. It’s even dumber because I wouldn’t hold anybody else to that standard but I do myself?! So yeah, a good reminder for myself to uh, not do that.
i would also contend that there are also a set of people making games are less interested in making games as they are with 'being a game developer', which does actually have a cool persona: "i want to be like toby fox, the balatro guy, etc." / "i want to make my Cool Indie Games and make 1 million dollars and stop being so alienated". they dislike making games almost as much as they dislike paying you for concept art: because the act of creation is not the goal but merely friction for the reward of celebrity. my 2 cents. lovely work.
FELT. I was in a major vn dev server once and saw so many people bragging about their hatred for the medium and like. woah. wait. just had an idea. the idea that if you Fucking Despise making games unto the point it feels like walking on the hot coals of hell, then why are you? if you hate it so much, and it only makes you despair, then what's the fucking point of doing it? to brag about how stoic you are for undergoing such torment in the hopes of achieving imagined glory?
the glory is ALSO absolutely imaginary in my experience; I have been ubiquitous yet invisible as a dev for years. everyone seems to have seen me, simply by volume of what I make, but very few acknowledge or interact.
the hardest most brutal part of writing a novel (this is also my background) isn't writing the novel. it's getting anyone to read it. same with making games. the gratification isn't instant, and it's uncomfortable to reach out beyond the world of popular media mass-production.
anyway, hard Felt about being some kind of freak for not HATING making art.
This is both biting and empowering. It is bizarre for me to hear people flaunt about their opportunities and work and then say, “Woe is me.”
Industrial exceptionalism (which can also be a kind of fatalism similar to heterofatalism) goes beyond the usual self-deprecation I make as part of my ongoing affection for game production. I think that’s just some weird shit or, as you put it, “AAA trauma”. We’re trying to make games and write stories here, not reiterate on DJ Khaled’s hit song, “Suffering From Success”.
And I appreciate the digs at how academia has finally investigated how gamemakers make shit or how journalism is getting a bit loose with BDS. This is fantastic stuff.
lots of good economic observations in here but is it really that hard to imagine normal non-industry reasons for a person to say they hate working on something creative? lol.
One point of complexity to this is that I do find something different and important to be found from the game that took a couple years to make in comparison to the game that took a couple weeks, and games made with teams of tens of people are capable of presenting their own, unique types of art - but nothing requires the raw resources that industry games demand, "industry" products should not be necessary for artists to survive, should not be as hostile to their players as they are, and should not be so needlessly chained to what "the consumer" would want. I keep seeing announcements for games that are remakes of games that were already remade, where either the original version or its remake are very readily playable on modern hardware, and I think to myself. What a deeply embarrassing, wasteful industry this is.
i remember i would see a post like "the only thing worse than making art is not making art" on tumblr a few years back and it really annoyed me. like there are unfun parts of making art just like there's unfun parts of everything... but much of making art is fun. in the last few years after having a bad brush with gacha and watching commercial works i used to like slowly become more and more market-brained nonsense i've come to feel more strongly than ever that those company pressures will continue to compromise ideas more than they help them... it was free stuff posted online motivated entirely by interest in the works themselves that made me feel the world of art was accessible was a kid
To be honest I think a large amount of people posting in game dev spaces about how they hate making games are just trying to vent temporary frustration with the process with ironic jokes rather than actually despising the craft. Everything you said about the underlying expectation of “industry products” is some real fucking shit though. “You will always be the exception” hits so good
yeah there's absolutely nuance here that me being mad on a monday evening doesn't give credit to. the natural cycle of doing any art project where you fall in and out of love because you love the medium that much. but even with this there's still so many people i talk to conflating craft with industry production and then looking at me like i have two heads when i say i completed a game jam last week because i wanted to do that. everytime it reminds me to spend more time around freaks
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this fucking rips
thank you for this, and for pointing me to tape window! EVERYONE'S silver case!!!!
Amazing!
this was awesome to read, esp as a beginner game dev. I'm also a creative writing graduate so it was a double boost. It feels like authors, writers, any creatives, hate what they do and it's very demoralizing. I love creating, but the idea of always having an "industry perfect" project albeit writing, drawing, game dev or something else... It kills that love we hold. I've been working on my next game for about 8 months with little progress because of these "industry standards" in my head from what I see. I've been burnt out and get nervous working on it.
I tinkered around with game making as a teen, but published my first one last year. And honestly? every time i go look at it I still feel that joy that went into it, even if it was a 2 week jam project. I miss that joy. I want to make more games.
YES. THANK YOU. the adherence to aaa standards has got to fucking go.
truly, i feel seen here. i cannot tell you how many times my art/work has been reduced to “not a real game/real art” because it doesn’t follow the industry model. i’m so tired of it.
bideo gayms 4ever
This was great, as painful as it was to read and see myself in there.
I wouldn’t say that I was complaining as much to others, but it definitely took me a good long while to get to a point where I’m actually enjoying the process. I wanted to make games despite not enjoying the process, just to make the idea real. What a terrible way to live. And now, I have a thing I’m working on, and am stuck creatively and otherwise, but that’s fine. I’m gonna get back to it when I feel better. Forcing it doesn’t help and I’m not enjoying working on it right now, so I’m not! I never want to end up in that terrible place again.
Another thing that came into sharp focus while I read this was how I struggle to call myself a game developer. I struggle to really call myself anything, frankly. I’ve been noodling around (see I’m doing it again!) in game engines for over ten years. I worked as a QA tester for years, slowly burnt out, quit and am now trying to make my own stuff. I have a bunch of projects, some WIP, some finished, but I haven’t released any of my own games commercially yet. I did ship games at work; I worked on a bunch of commercial games, big and small! But…there’s that thing. Am I really a game developer if I haven’t released MY OWN video game on store dot steampowered dot com? This is, of course, a stupid way to think. It doesn’t matter, and being able to call myself a game developer is not the goal. It’s not something I consciously think about often, but still, it’s a bit nuts that I have this block, so what you wrote about exceptionalism and how we think of our projects and ourselves really hit home for me.
Thank you for writing this, really <3
the tension and debate over who counts as a "game dev" is about as useful over the debate of what counts as a "real" game. if you have made a thing for games, you are a gamemaker. own it
Yep 100%. It’s even dumber because I wouldn’t hold anybody else to that standard but I do myself?! So yeah, a good reminder for myself to uh, not do that.
hey, thanks for this. i had never heard of bitsy before! now i have made one more game today than i would have otherwise
genuinely thrilled to hear that, godspeed
i would also contend that there are also a set of people making games are less interested in making games as they are with 'being a game developer', which does actually have a cool persona: "i want to be like toby fox, the balatro guy, etc." / "i want to make my Cool Indie Games and make 1 million dollars and stop being so alienated". they dislike making games almost as much as they dislike paying you for concept art: because the act of creation is not the goal but merely friction for the reward of celebrity. my 2 cents. lovely work.
FELT. I was in a major vn dev server once and saw so many people bragging about their hatred for the medium and like. woah. wait. just had an idea. the idea that if you Fucking Despise making games unto the point it feels like walking on the hot coals of hell, then why are you? if you hate it so much, and it only makes you despair, then what's the fucking point of doing it? to brag about how stoic you are for undergoing such torment in the hopes of achieving imagined glory?
the glory is ALSO absolutely imaginary in my experience; I have been ubiquitous yet invisible as a dev for years. everyone seems to have seen me, simply by volume of what I make, but very few acknowledge or interact.
the hardest most brutal part of writing a novel (this is also my background) isn't writing the novel. it's getting anyone to read it. same with making games. the gratification isn't instant, and it's uncomfortable to reach out beyond the world of popular media mass-production.
anyway, hard Felt about being some kind of freak for not HATING making art.
This is both biting and empowering. It is bizarre for me to hear people flaunt about their opportunities and work and then say, “Woe is me.”
Industrial exceptionalism (which can also be a kind of fatalism similar to heterofatalism) goes beyond the usual self-deprecation I make as part of my ongoing affection for game production. I think that’s just some weird shit or, as you put it, “AAA trauma”. We’re trying to make games and write stories here, not reiterate on DJ Khaled’s hit song, “Suffering From Success”.
And I appreciate the digs at how academia has finally investigated how gamemakers make shit or how journalism is getting a bit loose with BDS. This is fantastic stuff.
Loved it :)
lots of good economic observations in here but is it really that hard to imagine normal non-industry reasons for a person to say they hate working on something creative? lol.
go make a bitsy game https://make.bitsy.org/
this shit is awesome, touché
peace and love on planet earth
Thank you
One point of complexity to this is that I do find something different and important to be found from the game that took a couple years to make in comparison to the game that took a couple weeks, and games made with teams of tens of people are capable of presenting their own, unique types of art - but nothing requires the raw resources that industry games demand, "industry" products should not be necessary for artists to survive, should not be as hostile to their players as they are, and should not be so needlessly chained to what "the consumer" would want. I keep seeing announcements for games that are remakes of games that were already remade, where either the original version or its remake are very readily playable on modern hardware, and I think to myself. What a deeply embarrassing, wasteful industry this is.
I want to make another tiny game.
i remember i would see a post like "the only thing worse than making art is not making art" on tumblr a few years back and it really annoyed me. like there are unfun parts of making art just like there's unfun parts of everything... but much of making art is fun. in the last few years after having a bad brush with gacha and watching commercial works i used to like slowly become more and more market-brained nonsense i've come to feel more strongly than ever that those company pressures will continue to compromise ideas more than they help them... it was free stuff posted online motivated entirely by interest in the works themselves that made me feel the world of art was accessible was a kid
shaking your hand nothing pisses me off more than that quote
This was extremely cathartic, thank you
hell fuckin yea
you’re right maybe i should finish my twine stuff instead of brooding in my room over all this
make games!! kill the exceptionalist in your head!!!
wow
hell yeah
Stan this rules
ive never thought about the "normal and unserious" game before and how i DO subconsciously think that less serious games are more "normal" !? Damn
Thank you for this 🖤 Now, onto working on my next game!
working as intended
I love making games and I love this and I love...you?
I don't know you so can't say for sure
fuck yeah
To be honest I think a large amount of people posting in game dev spaces about how they hate making games are just trying to vent temporary frustration with the process with ironic jokes rather than actually despising the craft. Everything you said about the underlying expectation of “industry products” is some real fucking shit though. “You will always be the exception” hits so good
yeah there's absolutely nuance here that me being mad on a monday evening doesn't give credit to. the natural cycle of doing any art project where you fall in and out of love because you love the medium that much. but even with this there's still so many people i talk to conflating craft with industry production and then looking at me like i have two heads when i say i completed a game jam last week because i wanted to do that. everytime it reminds me to spend more time around freaks